G.D.

I LIKE A DANE Because – he uses good judgement in what he does... doesn’t bark needlessly ... has a special understanding of children...  has very little doggy odour...  his coat  can be kept in condition with a few whirls of the brush daily...  learns easily... is big, but in proportion... his figure is a delight to the artist...  everything fits into the picture of animal beauty... is among the most graceful  of dogs in his movements... always has a regal appearance and bearing...  has been the companion of kings through the centuries but will give his life  to defend the poorest man if that man be his master.              “I like a Great Dane” Editor, Rhodesian Animal News

Dear Editor,

I really don’t know why you like Great Danes.  Mine is as thick as a fog in a blackout.

She wakes me at night to find out if I’m sleeping OK.  Then she rests her head on my chest and thinks my heart is floundering for her instead of for not enough space.

She’s had to learn to walk backwards because in some parts of the house she can’t turn around without knocking furniture over.

When I tell her to “Stay” she Stays moving.

You spend an hour stalking in the forest, quiet as mist.  Then when everyone stops to listen she shakes the mosquitoes off her ears with the sound of a tornado knocking wooden shingles off a roof.

She gallops down the mountain with unreliable brakes, counting heavily on passing trees to slow her down – so heavily that she looks like a turned-over truck with a rammed radiator.

To travel within the speed limit she comes down on her elbows and stomach – which does make a good firebreak if that’s where you want a firebreak.

When you take her out in the car you don’t see the P.O. behind you measuring your speed because your rear-view mirror is full of G.D.

She’s  not encouraged to help carry the shopping from the car because of this tendency to swallow things.  Like spaghetti hoops with the can still on.

She loves visitors and to make them feel at home she sits in their laps.  She weighs 130 lbs (or 58 ½ kilos).  Or both, seems like.

When she stands on the cat and he says “Ow!” in a trodden-on voice, she snuffles all over him like a vacuum cleaner instead of lifting her foot.

You can’t tie her up because there’s no place she can’t walk away with.

About the craziest thing you can do is run behind a bee, snapping at the sharp end.  She does.

Living with a Great Dane is like when you’ve just moved house and the crates are still in the middle of the rooms and in the passage and they’re too big to move so you have to fall over them and go around them except it’s more permanent than crates because you don’t get around to unpacking a Great Dane.

She’s a good guard.  She might even bite if she got mad enough.  Mostly she charges at intruders, bowls them over and buries them in the landslide in a single skilful move.

Packs of even four or five dogs find themselves heavily outnumbered by her.

When she barks, which is never at nothing, her voice rolls down into neighbouring territory like a cannon ball.

She’s polite and gentle.  She’ll take a bone from your hand with a mouth like foam rubber.  If she takes your hand too she always gives it back.

It’s easy to give her medicine.  You just open her mouth and post it.

The best thing about her is that she likes me and doesn’t mind saying so.  (At length.)  (At slobbery length.)

Otherwise I just don’t know how a person could like a Great Dane.

                                                                                    Sincerely

                                                                                    Jill Wylie